Remote learning.. Send help!
YES!!
The birds are chirping, the sun is giving us a beautiful sunrise and the coffee is brewing. We are entering a new era. Remote learning 101!
Nah, that’s not really what happened. The alarm went off, and I hit the snooze button, screamed and then leapt out of bed. My usually coiffed hair never saw a brush… all day. It’s the first day of school. Not the normal hustle and bustle of pristine backpacks and kids rolling out the door, but of pajama laden kids pretending they have clothes on. I can honestly attest that this has been every parent’s nightmare. As in, this is not the stuff dreams are made of. As much as my brilliant children love devices, they are not sitting around dreaming about e-learning. I know. Shocking right?
Let’s talk about day one.
I have three kids. It’s not just one angelic child that I am trying to connect, it is three. Did I mention, it is early, and my high schooler hasn’t seen the light of day before noon the entire summer? I want to sit here and tell you that I made all my kids go to bed early the night before, but that would be lying. We were just getting into the Marvel movies and our nights tour de force was, Iron Man 2. I know, right? It’s the best one.
Firstly, I didn’t realize I needed to tell my son not to change clothes in front of my daughter’s computer. For that, I am forever sorry. Sorry kids, no one wants to see that at 8am. It was innocent, he was tired, and her desk was next to his dresser, but that’s how we rolled into the rest of the day. To say it was a success would be a massive overstatement and if I hear the words “link”, “mute”, “chat” or see another pet on video, I will scream unless I turn it into a drinking game, and at that point it would either be exciting, or I would be arrested? 50/50 how that would turn out. I am definitely tempted. Are you? Maybe we just get a zoom call going and call it “Moms e-learning”.
This will sum up how it went. “Ok kids, here is your code to move to your next class”, the well adorned teacher states. She obviously got up earlier than I did and is camera ready. “Mp”…. Little Johnny interrupts, “Wait. Is that upper or lower case?”. The teacher doesn’t miss a beat, “Lower case. Ok, mp55.” Little Sally yells, “Wait. I didn’t get that. What?” The teacher seems a bit more strained at this point and says, “mp55t”.. little Kelly holding her precious cat says, “Here is my kitty, he didn’t hear the code either.” I’m going to spare you the details because this went on for 20 minutes for EVERY class. Sprinkled in that hot mess, I heard the gorgeous teacher, whom at this point I am wondering how or earth her skin glows, says a million times, “Please mute yourself Timmy” or “Please stop chatting to your friends in the chat box Max.” Yeah, that was fun. I paused and went to check on the others. At this point, my daughter was waiting for her teacher to return to the class they were teaching because she left briefly to get a bundt cake out of the oven. Yes, you heard that right. The whole class is just cyber staring at each other while they await the teachers return. My imagination wants to imagine its someone’s birthday or maybe she is celebrating the first day of school? Either way, the irony of her telling the kids upon her return that eating during her class is forbidden made this mother throw her head back in laughter.
Parents tip #1: please don’t sit next to your child and participate in the class. We all hope you know the answer to where the adjective is in the sentence. The class is not for you.
Parents tip #2 M.U.T. E.
Please teach your child to mute and unmute. We all thank you.
Parents tip #3
I know the dress code states, “No pajamas”, but really who knows?
As the day ended, I had to peel the lounge wear off and take the kids to celebrate a successful day. Again, an overstatement. My friends and I coordinated to meet up but we all looked like we had just returned from war. Hair disheveled, mascara smeared, limping and silent, except for one friend and we all have THAT friend. If we had really planned it, we would have been standing at a bar. My good friend whom I’ve dubbed, “Late night Jen”, was definitely not going to be partying anytime soon. We collectively looked at each other, socially distanced of course, with a nod and a smile. Somehow, we know it’s not perfect but it’s going to be O.K.